Farewell

As I let go of the past and tried desperately to muster up courage to face the daemons of my future endeavours,
this was born...

~ * ~ 

Goodbye to indecision
To the philosophy of lets just wait and see
Time has no conscience
It cares not that we squander opportunity
Farewell, my guilt
That strangled-holds my heart
Forgiveness is not a luxury given in the dark,
And meant for others, alone

Goodbye to procrastination
To lazy days of leave it for tomorrow
Only to find that tomorrow becomes a never-do-it infinity
I’ll let you go, commiseration
For compassion need not always be partnered with empathy
Goodbye, control
I can not stop the war
That rages on around me, in spite of my bid or
Every.
Sleepless.
Night.

Be gone self-doubt
You have no power here
And no longer will you feed
Upon unfounded and lonely fear
Goodbye misery
I once called you friend
Knowing now, your darkened light
Was not a means to an end
(And I shall not miss you)

Farewell, farewell
To lonely days, filled with passionate need
I’ll dream, instead of future joy
And leave behind my greed
So long to negative judgement
You, I despise the most
Attacking all the kindnesses
While never looking back
Or laying claim for any destruction

(Evil knows thy name)

Farewell torment ..

hello release ~

~ * ~

copyright © roxannegaebel [11-27-2007]

Snowy River

Did this a few weeks ago, but had to wait to post it, because it was a gift. I didn't want to chance the receiver seeing it. This is my first "fight" with painting snow. I never realized how many different shades actually go into giving snow a realistic look. Up to this point, this is the one painting I've had by far the most issues with. I wasn't even sure I liked it much when I finished it, but it has grown on me and I'm learning to let that perfectionist go (slowly). The recipient was very much pleased and that is truly what matters with this one. I'm sure "snow" will become easier to define, the more I paint of it.

The Longest Night (for the Winter Solstice)

A lone candle burns in the quiet of night
spilling shadows in the corners of my room
Snow falls in gentle glide to the ground
making the lack of you grow with intensity;
there is conflict within my heart
Time crawls in ancient boots
too heavy to gravitate without delay
leaving me in suspended want
No movement to disturb the silence
save the flicker of light the candle casts
and the soft flakes curving into grooves
along the window sill

What a bittersweet dream it is to love
and not be with the one person who inspires it
A longing falls tender on supple skin
gracefully stretched into gentle need
no words or photographs could ever soothe

A desire sent in aim across the glowing sky
spread by moonbeam and stars alike
to reach a waiting heart, also in need this night,
falls and dreams into his arms- a moment felt in earnest

There is such longing that sends the heart to ache

but we shall not despair
for there is a belief that no amount of distance
nor time could dispel
on this,
the longest night of the year ~

Copyright © roxannegaebel [12 - 21- 2007]

The Ghosts of Christmas Eve

How much will be taken
before I’m left ..
empty ~

Strength lying formless in the dark

with strangled echoes of Christmases past;

the only joy in a child’s cursed existence

has now been brought to the mercy of

shadows that have been cast

from a light that slowly dims~

When every part of you feels shattered

how do you piece it back together?

It seems not enough for a heart to break-

memories tossed through a dull grey window of the mind-

of smiles and laughter

of happily ever after;

all just a girl’s hollowed wish for something more kind

And the Ghosts that haunt this night
feel no remorse or shame
they dance within the light
of fate’s regret and blame

The battle to stay the pain is lost

and a weary soul has paid the cost

stained in rain

and suffered to feel the same again

every

Christmas

Eve ...

Copyright © roxannegaebel  [01-03-2007]

Sunshine On the Porch

Wanted to paint the old mill up at the fish ladder in Port Hope, ON, but it seemed so arduous a task. I thought starting with the front door/porch area might be good practice. Port Hope is full of heritage buildings and I find them completely captivating. This is not exactly how I would have liked, but it was a definite learning experience. I'm finding that painting, as with most art, is typically subjective and there is no right or wrong way. Once the perfectionist is able to let go, the possibilities are endless!

Ice

There is nothing more cold

than midnight blue casting light

on endless fields of sparkling white

A cold that breaks the breath

letting it fall to the ground in shards

If I could but kiss the frost

that holds your soul

just to tear away the frozen veil

it has placed around your heart-

but there is no way to capture

a death that has already fallen

Always in wait of a hope

to melt the severity of condition

letting waters run down and out

to the endless cold, that is the sea

A need is felt with an ardency that clings;

it settles in the crevices and cracks of life

that refuse to live

Darkness is the only solace;

like a familiar friend it wraps around

both heart and soul in endless night

I press myself to you

with inconsequential and futile belief–

a final effort of consciousness

that desires only warmth

But I am mesmerized by the beauty of the ice   ...

Copyright © roxannegaebel [12-11-2009]

Terralta Cottage

Today I finally  finished something that has been in the works, (at least in spirit), for many years. I had always wanted to place my childhood home, Terralta Cottage, located in Port Hope, ON,  on canvas, but never had the audacity to even contemplate the attempt. I was pleasantly surprised with the result, however. Again, as per usual, my fears were all ill based. Confidence and I are not well acquainted......yet, (or should I say still?). But with each experience, I gain more and more respect for the craft and my interpretation of it.

As for the house, it holds so many memories as well as a few ghosts. I spent thirteen years in this home with my family from age 4 to age 17, so it has quite a bit of nostalgia attached to it. Clicking on the title provides a link that will lead you to a little history and pictures of how the home looks today, (after a couple total renovations-- one of which I was lucky enough to be given a tour of). The painting depicts most closely how it looked when we occupied the residence.

This place will always hold a bit of mystery and in a small way, a large part of my childhood happiness within her walls.

Northern Exposure

This was my version of the Northern Lights. I will do this again as there are so many different combinations of colour that are found in the Northern Sky when the lights can be seen and I want to capture as much as possible. This is one of my favourites. I adore the use of shadow and light in both paintings and photographs. Sometimes a simplistic colour scheme brings about the most dramatic results.

Stormy Sea

I was commissioned to do this painting for a friend of mine. We grew up in the same small town and she wanted a painting of the shore where we used to spend a lot of our childhood days. There is something incredibly nostalgic about looking at this. The lightning was her idea after the painting was already finished. I thought I might ruin the sky by adding it (and nearly did), but in all, I think it enhances the emotion of the picture. I love painting water. It has so much motion and variation of colour.

Lookout Point, Eagle's Nest, Bancroft, ON

This was a much larger undertaking than I had originally imagined. I wanted to do something unique for my father for Christmas and since he had requested not to be given very much appreciated, but cluttersome "dust collectors", I decided a painting of his hometown would be a better alternative to a gift card. The mixing of colours just about drove me crazy, but the end result was worth it, I think. I chose the autumn as it is not only my favourtie season, but the number of trees lining the side of the mountain, are more easily observed in full fall colours.

A Heart Devoured

Black swarms my air and I am left inside of darkness
While an incessant chirp creeps outside my room
I slam shut my eyes, eager to close you from my mind
Eager to hide in the deepest part of gloom

and then it begins ...


There is a demon who knows me by name
He knows my heart; all my suffering and shame
In lightness his deathly grip cannot seek my soul
But when midnight falls, I am his purpose; his goal
Then fear fills the room, like molasses down walls
And there is no escape as my resolution falls

I feel his tight grip, suffocating hope
As courage and conviction stumble and choke
Till all that I'm left with is heartache and pain
Two sniveling parasites that rule my domain
A scream breaks my silence but to no avail
His fangs already grip my futile assail

And here in the dark where essence drips red
There is no small comfort in this dark dreary bed
Like a bloody streak down your spineless fear
The darkness swarms inside of death's tear
Sentenced in gloom that's sealed by misdoubt
As night after night it eats my heart out



Copyright © roxannegaebel [12-09-2009]

Burning Bridges

We could have lived
Unrepaired and broken
Lost in an ancient future
Had words not been spoken

(But a bridge saved
is a bridge unburned)

Pushing through a thickening fog
I leaned to hear the sound
Of a heart that was breaking
And falling madly to the ground

And in this gentle heart I saw
The moments of the past
Of stars that longed to touch the Earth
Of pain that was spreading fast

I turned and saw the bridge we'd built
Was now engulfed in flame
But my heart had since turned to stone
I could but whisper your name

Now in the rubble and charred remains
We stand holding each other's heart
Pulling our song out of the ash
While light spreads over the dark




Copyright © roxannegaebel [12-09-2009]

Clinging to Blue

Stealing in, you take my time
Even within memory’s break, you linger
Too alone in this midnight clutch
And I am soaked in words unsaid

The darkness racing through these veins
Has faded the light
And I want you to know
Every time I thought of you,
Every time, it made me blue

And I watched outside my window
A spectrum of colour dancing in the wind
Locked from my touch
And I clung to blue
The only range of me and you

Folding over in effort and affection
Life drifted uneasy
Until it escaped around a corner
Out of my sight and lost to motion

Now the stars fill my sky
And my wishes hold the hope
That Blue is not all there is ~



Copyright © roxannegaebel [12-09-2009]